Is your kid being bullied?
Bullying expert Professor Faye Mishna of the Factor-Inwentash Faculty of Social Work comments
Source: Wikimedia Commons/MisterWiki
On January 14, 2009, 15-year-old Phoebe Prince hanged herself in her home in South Hadley, Massachusetts. Phoebe had allegedly been the victim of over four months of bullying that was, to quote prosecutor Elizabeth Scheibel, “unrelenting.”
Nine teens have been charged in the bullying and face charges that include statutory rape, assault, violation of civil rights resulting in injury, stalking, criminal harassment and disturbance of a school assembly. (source: Globe & Mail).
Professor Faye Mishna is an expert on bullying. She is Dean of U of T’s Factor- Inwentash Faculty of Social Work and Chair of the Margaret and Wallace McCain Family Chair in Child and Family. A specialist in children’s mental health as both a clinician and academic for 30 years, Professor Mishna is one of the go-to experts on how bullies ply their trade – and what can be done proactively to decrease the incidence of bullying. A frequent media commentator, resources like Kids Help Phone regularly seek out her expertise.
Why do people bully?
Bullying is a way for people to assert or get power over others. Many kids may fight with each other, but if it’s equal, that is if they’re going back and forth in an argument, they’re not bullying. Bullying is present when there’s a power imbalance. So in the case of Phoebe Prince, we don’t know all the details yet, but just in terms of numbers, we know there was a group of kids bullying her, so they had more power. Another aspect of power imbalance was that she was a new girl in the school, which would put her at a disadvantage.
Are there different types of bullying?
Bullying comes in many forms, but the two main types are indirect and direct. Examples of direct would be verbal aggression face-to-face, or when someone is being physically hit. Indirect bullying would include gossip, exclusion and relational bullying. Most research has shown that boys tend to bully in the direct way and girls tend to bully in relational ways. For the longest time, the way girls bullied wasn’t recognized as bullying. But we know now that the indirect form of bullying can be as destructive as physical bullying.
Is bullying common among young people?
Yes, unfortunately. The incidence varies across countries, somewhere between five and 20 per cent of students are bullied. That’s quite a bit. A study in 2004 found 40% of students in Italy to have been bullied, but it averages out to about 20%. It depends on the definition and how it’s characterized.
Over the past number of years you have specialized in cyber bullying – that is, bullying over the Internet. How is it different?
The dynamic is similar – one person or a group of people exerting power over another by way of intentionally causing distress to that person. How it’s played out with the Internet comes in the form of those features the Internet offers – using photography, video and other media, for example. There is also more possibility of the bullying online being anonymous although it often isn’t. And cyber bullying can be even worse than more traditional forms in that the Internet enables the threat to be sent everywhere, so the form of repetition is different and greater. And material on the Internet cannot be removed.
Is cyber bullying just as common?
We conducted a survey in 2008 among 2,186 students in Toronto. We found that 50 per cent of the students we surveyed said that in the three months before our survey they had been bullied online and 34 per cent said they had bullied others online. And we didn’t say ‘Were you bullied or did you bully?’ Instead, we listed things – ‘were you called names,’ ‘were rumours spread,’ ‘were you threatened’ or ‘did someone pretend to be you?’ We did it that way because kids will do things and not define it as bullying.
What can be done?
Bullying has to be addressed. And it can’t be left up to the kids or only to the teachers. It has to be done in a whole school environment. From the principal through the rest of the school, the school community has to take it really seriously. Teachers have to be looking for it and stop it when it happens, but the key thing is to act proactively and try to prevent it.
To do that, you need to address it on many different levels. For example, there has to be training for teachers, parents and students. It has to happen at the school level in terms of policies and at the classroom level, with discussions.
And kids have to be taught the difference between tattling and telling somebody that bullying is taking place. Ironically, kids are often taught not to tattle. So they have to be taught that if bullying is going on, you tell an adult in order to help a victim and that this is not tattling. Tattling is trying to get some in trouble.
The kids who bullied Phoebe Price have been charged now and, yes, that may have been necessary, but that’s after the fact and after a tragedy has occurred. It’s essential and much more effective to prevent bullying and not have to resort to punitive measures. There are different kinds of approaches, such as the no-blame approach or restorative justice. Kids who bully are using their power negatively, so what you want to do is teach them to use their power positively. But being punitive doesn’t necessarily address the issue. Obviously, if criminal charges need to be laid, then that has to happen, but wouldn’t it be better if we didn’t have to get there?
You have to involve all those different components. But it takes tremendous commitment. Research shows that the most important elements associated with a decrease in bullying were parent training, improved playground supervision and classroom management. The more that’s in place and the longer it is in place, the more likely a program will work. If you just put in one or two things, like a workshop for teachers and parents in September and then do nothing else, that won’t work nearly as well as a consistent and thorough program.
Are there societal phenomena that create bullying?
We have to remember that bullying occurs in the context of society. We are shocked and ask why kids bully but workplace bullying among adults is common and kids hear about wars on the TV every day. And speaking of TV, kids see these reality shows with people fighting, so that all becomes part of what influences them.
The other issue that often gets neglected is the bias base. Kids, even in kindergarten, are calling each other ‘fag’ and saying ‘that’s so gay’ or ‘that’s retarded’ or making ethnic slurs. Again, teachers and parents have to stop that without humiliating kids and without becoming fanatic and making people feel bad because that never works, but we need to address these underlying biases and give the message that this is not acceptable.
And you have to include the bystanders. Research has shown that when kids intervene, bullying stops much quicker. So you want to help kids become helpers. Lots of good programs have peer helpers and peer mediators where you give kids a formal place in the process. You have to be cautious because they have to be supervised but the real point is that if everyone in the school environment becomes engaged, it will be easier for a child to report bullying.
Phoebe Prince committed suicide, seemingly because she was bullied. Bullying can really mess you up, can’t it?
Just think about it – you’re coming into school every day and you’re going to be attacked and ganged up on, directly or indirectly. Or you’ll go into your e-mail and have people say horrible things to you. It can have terrible, very detrimental effects on a young person’s sense of self-esteem and their sense of safety.
Further Reading
A ‘watershed’ case in school bullying? (USA Today)
Tags: Behind the Headlines, Faye Mishna, Society
my sonhas recently told mehe is being bullyed.i fear notonly forhim but theother child as well. my son has mental issues like r/o bipolar,oppositional defiant disorder,adhd, intermittent explosive disorder. that is just to name a few. whay should i do. he is in family based counseling andhas just recently spent 10 months inresidential treatment. he has been like this since the age of 4 hes now11yrs old. i fear for myself who he has hit inthe past andmy two youngest my daughter age 6 andmy son age 4who he can be very violent to. i need help and advice. thank you kelly lutz
An a group setting at the University of Phoenix we researched child bullying in school. What we found is unbelievable but true. Many times the child is bullied by their teacher! 25% of the time the teacher sees the bullying of children but does not intervene.
After taking a local case of bullying to the school principle and psychologist, nothing was done to the teacher who had been bullying the student to the point where he became suicidal, pulled crying fits in the home, and eventually had to be put on antidepressants in order to cope. After repeated meetings with the entire staff, the student continued to be used as a poor example in the class, although his FCAT score was above 95%. He had to be pulled out of school repeatedly by his parents due to his trauma. Eventually he was home schooled. However, after a tremendous effort by the parents, he was finally able to enroll in a different school.
The results? To this day he is on the honor roll and has been given a certificate in his creative thinking.
Something needs to be done about the counter abuse between the power and control teachers have over the student and for them not to use it in an abusive manner. My group here in the USA did extensive research on child bullying. We found that children follow by example. They mimic their adult peers. Government records downplay the percentage of bullying done in schools. Bullying in schools lead to early criminal behavior, which leads to children dropping out of school, joining gangs and breaking the law.
University of Phoenix
Bachelors in Criminal Justice
I have a niece who is being bullied by 7 girls and seems like no one want to do anything about it. Her mom has been to the school on several occassions and to the police station and it”s still happening what must we do next.
Holston Middle School, Knoxville, TN. A bad case of bullying taken up with the principal who refused to help the child being bullied and took up for the bullies! The child had to leave and be home schooled because the principal refused to stop it.
This article is too lenient on the bullies and not comprehensive enough on the solution. Bullies do it because they lack respect for others and ignore the rules of society. They and their parents deserve the fullest punishment applicable the first time, to make the point home that repeat offenses won’t be tolerated. As for the victim, the very first time his parents should report it to the police, like any other assault or threat of assault. The victim’s parents should also have an attorney write a letter that is copied to every teacher, the principal, school counselors, the school board, the parents of the bully, and the district attorney, advising of the facts and that police have been contacted, and stating if any further bullying happened, all legal remedies will immediately be undertaken. Publicity and the treat of multiple lawsuits always gets these bozos’ attention. I also would immediately enroll my child in a good self defense class and advise him to use what he learns. Self defense is legal.
hello
For the last 2 months almost 3 monnts to date my 15 year old daughter had been
bullied @ Rockdale High School In Conyers Georgia. Apparently these school officals
do not want to be bothered with the problem
I had to go over the principal and to the
school board to get something done and it still was blown off until I they began to see that I was not going away!
My daughter is now having to have an adult escort until school is out May 28 th 2010
I have decided not to let her return to public schools these people in high places know what the hell is going on in these schools but they simply want us as parents
to sit back and get a notice that our chold
has been killed or harmed very bad.
In all my days of 39 years I have never seen a system like it now it is horrible
if you are the victim them you are the one
that will trampled on by the school system
something is very wrong and parent better take a closer look at these amercian school
these people are allowing young crimminals
to attend school all year long until they decide to send them to some alternative
school and that is only when staff if
afraid of these bullies never mind your child need and adult escort (a teacher)
to walk her to every class of the entire day this is sick but just as the One World
Government is coming these schools have been programmed to brainwash our children
not to protect their rights My daughter rights have been taken why should she be
walked to class why not get these 2 young male crimminals out of school they are future crimminals that is all but again
society knows this they only care about
each head count at school because they get paid by the Gov these schools per child
but you know what it is getting worse
parents a word to you wake up go to these
school and walk around you will be amazed
i was! God help us because if school if not safe then what do we do with our kids
maybe we teach them at home or home school
not everyone can afford it and they know this.
I am an anti-bullying advocate who has developed mirrored anti-bullying message jewelry and keychains that has been well received by Brenda High, founder of http://www.bullypolice.org, in that it helps to interrupt a bully’s power by reminding the targeted person that any words, actions, gestures, or texts are a reflection of the “unqualified evaluators” who gave them. It empowers and supports a person who is being bullied. A portion of the proceeds from the sale of this inexpensive jewelry is donated to http://www.bullypolice.org to further the important efforts of anti-bullying. Please visit http://www.unqualifiedevaluators.com and order yours. Like Lance Armstrong’s LiveStrong bracelet, Unqualified Evaluators jewelry and keychains promote strength in numbers. it is time to stand up to bullying!
Be Happy Be :Loved Be Safe
All these kids victimizations and teachers conducting threats towards kids and police not taking action to try and find some answers is creating an unfortunate public gang mentality. It’s good that it’s coming out in the open,being reported, but we need to find a way to get police and others in the government involved in this.Write to your local Congressman, and tell him about what you’ve experienced. If enough people report this, it will alert our representatives how these assaults need to be under surveillance and widespread pamphlets and education should be publicized
to effect change.
There is another term for older people going through this victimization, gangs harrassing innocent people.. GANG STALKING, (Google this). The government has a website that documents the 3.4 million people in the US who have reported these incidents, yet nothing is being done about it. I have also been gang stalked for a long time, every day. https://hst-rhoras01.lmbps.com/index.cfm?ty=pbdetail&iid=1211
Please use the following email to report incidents that have made your kids, or even if you are feeling unsafe and scared. We can do much better to report these all together to the authorities and Newscasters to get better safety measures. gangingfree@yahoo.com
There is so much truth to what Diana had to say. My daughter was the victim of bullying and luckily, with tremendous support and a change of schools is now a happy, well adjusted young adult (though deep scars remain.) The principal asked us, the parents, what our daughter was doing to bring this on her shoulders. He did bring the bullies into the office for a face to face meeting (unbeknownst to us) where the bullies were all full of sugar and emphasized what great friends the girls all were. After the meeting the bullying became relentless.
Teachers and administrators need to look deeper when a child and/or parents come in to report bullying.
Oh, and this school told me at our meeting that there was no bullying going on because the school had a ‘NO bullying policy.’
I believe that these bullies have parents that usually encourage their kids to be tough, they don’t their boys to act as sissies and this especially true with fathers for instill this type of behavior with their sons because this is the way their fathers taught them. I feel that if the parents don’t get involve in their kids life they won’t know what’s going on with their friends, so they need involment even if their kids think their parents are interfering in their lives. also, in cases when the bullies don’t stop they should receive the appropiate punishments for their actions, that way we can maybe avoid another tragedy.
A lot of good information on bullying is out there. I have been working for six years now on a program for elementary students that is very popular and proving to be effective. Check it out: http://www.coolcarl.com. I plan to move into the middle schools this next school year, then the high schools. Available resources are very valuable in providing important points. There are some good links on my website. Too many school people don’t believe it’s a serious problem. Unfortunately it’s incidents like Phoebe Prince that have finally brought it to schools’ attention again (since Columbine). There have been other suicides. Just one is too many.
My daughter has been being bullied by 2 girls in a Catholic School in Bradford, Ontario for about 4 years now. This school is also, to my surprise, a member of Peaceful Schools International. My husband and I feel that because their parents are employees of the school board, and the fact that they do not acknowledge that this is happening, even though I’ve filed complaints with the School, the MP & the Police, whom have spoken with them, nothing is being done to teach these girls to back off. My daughter had left the school 2 years ago, so now they have resorted to sending messages back to her through others during Catachism classes, or during their sports events. We have tried to contact the establishment regarding this, but they don’t return our calls. This is now trickling over to her new school through other kids that have said to her “I can make your life so miserable here that you will leave this school too”, or “I am friends with them, so I don’t like you”. As well, we are afraid to get behind their school bus, as they always do something when they notice we are behind the bus. They aren’t even afriad to act out in front of me as a parent, and they even bad mouth me. I don’t feel like we have any support. I wish that more could be done to make this stop.
My daughter has been bullied for 2 years now in Pickering in the Public School Board and finally this weekend she was beat up and threatened to be stabbed. The girl is being charged & will hopefully get access to the help she obviously needs, the kids in school who also did the bullying will be getting guidance on how not to do this, the class will get a seminar on anti bullying. This is great. What does my daughter get? Who is going to help her get over the last 2 years of being bullied. What programs are available to her to help bring her back up? I live in Ontario Canada. Does the school board have something for her? What about the victim in this?
I have tried so hard to work with my sons school, and principal in regards to my son being severly bullied to the point where i have to fight with him to go to school, in another instance my son was verbally abused by the principal. She said things to my son that are unexplainable as to why some one would do or say things like that to a child that is already getting abused.
If someone could please help me to find advise or a course of action to what my son has been put through. i told my doctor of what happen to my son and she advised me to get a lawyer , but i want answers and to know why someone with authority such as a principal would do and say such horrific things to a 9 yr old amd steal their innocence away. if someone could email me and please let me know what i can do as a parent, kids all over the world are dying and killing themselves over being bullied and i do not want my son to go through another minute of pain.
sugarbear107001@hotmail.com
any assistance would be greatly appriciated
Thanks
S. jannetta
Hello everyone. I would like to let you know that I am part of an organization that will be hosting a seminar about bullying on Sunday, July 24th, at 9:00 am. This seminar is open to all those who have been the victims of bullying, or for those who wish to learn more about the prevention or curtailment its expansion. Our goal is to provide a community for those who wish to end bullying now. If you would like to learn more about the seminar, please feel free to contact me at JosRos777@yahoo.com at your convenience. Thank you!